On Fathering a Self-Reliant Child

I have spent a large part of my life dwelling on capital “F” Fatherhood, first in the most abstract ways, then far more concretely in the last 18 years. Aly will reach legal majority days after returning from the field school. She’ll leave for college this autumn. She and I stand at a crossroads, perhaps The crossroads of our relationship. As you can imagine, I’ve been assessing my performance, particularly, whether or not I’ve raised a self-reliant daughter.

The signs are fairly clear, but, as the father of an only child, I reserve, nay, cling to the right to be concerned.

As a celebration at the end of the field school, the team will travel north for the Dawson Music Festival, a huge to-do in the northland. Tickets are very expensive, and sell out months in advance, but the team can get in free by volunteering as staff. Aly asked me to monitor her email while she’s gone, so I read the message from the festival organizers. They’re looking for staff to control drunks, keep people from bringing dogs onto the grounds, and turn away gate crashers.

I gulped. My little daughter, act as security? I doubt it.

I forwarded the email to an account she can access in the field. I added a quick note advising her to answer their questions about her skills without worrying, and see what happens.

I remembered that all of Aly’s life, I’ve been one step behind her abilities. She used to be afraid of dogs, so I worried, then remembered she got over that long ago, and can control even my sister’s half-mad German shepherd. She’s not always assertive, so I worried about her confronting drunks, but I remembered her self-possession, excellent people skills, and intelligence. Every new challenge she faces, I remember the last time she failed in a similar situation, forgetting that she learned from it, and is ready to try a new tactic next time. She’s growing, learning, adapting—living—in spite of my fears for her.

This is a truth I need to dwell on as she begins a life on her own. It’s a truth every father should know, including, to be brutally honest, my own, who still tends to see his children as little more than teenagers, even though I’m 50, dammit!

I have no way of knowing what the future will hold for Aly, but I can be reasonably sure she’ll be self reliant in it.

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Mark Zeiger is a regular contributor to Self Reliance Works. He and his family homestead off the grid in Southeast Alaska. Read more of Mark’s thoughts on fatherhood this Father’s Day at AKZeigers.com.